Mirror Mirror on the Wall - Memoirs from the Land of Make Believe

You cannot talk someone out of their perception; you can only listen, understand and then behave yourself into their new perception.

A recent discussion held with a former colleague spurred the ever present concept of personal branding, but more in the context of changing perceptions.  The fundamental element in changing perceptions is the search in understanding yourself and the perceptions of others. Most people do not want to accept the negative or constructive perceptions of their own brand.  This is exactly what transpired with the former colleague I had the discussion with over the last month but finally have gone past the life is not fair and asking for the scrapbook of photos and memories from the land of make believe.

When I tried to have conversations with this individual about behavior, there was zero acceptance of personal responsibility. It becomes instantaneously defensive and goes immediately into the “I am being judged and it is someone else’s problem, not mine”.  What is ironic is that in the management consulting profession it is a constant give and take in dealing with change, perceptions and different personalities.  The type of constructive criticism is meant to help to understand actions, but these types of individuals believe that these criticisms are meant to undermine their own actions. 

Trust and perception go hand-in-hand and I am sure you have all heard phases like; "You have to walk the talk," "Actions speak louder than words," or "They talk a good game." And I know that you are as tired of them as I am. But there is wisdom in these phases no matter how much we hate to hear them.

Issues do arise after we make promises to others. Most people understand this. They tend to judge individuals on how they handle these issues.

For some reason we believe that explanations will get us out of trouble. We would much rather justify our actions instead of understanding how our actions affected others from their point of view of the other parties involved.  

The only way to change someone's perception of you and your work is to change your behavior.

I know that sounds hard but really the main behavior you need to change is how you respond to issues and complaints. Listening to the constructive and negative comments to understand their point of view is the most important thing you can do. But listening is not enough. You then need to incorporate what you have learned. Granted you may not agree with their perception of the situation. Agreeing is not the point. Knowing what their perception is and how you have caused that perception is the point. Now you can do things differently if you want to change perceptions.

My former colleague and I came to a level ground where she understood this dynamic, but it was hard for her to reprogram herself overnight – and this is where I completely agree. Perceptions change over time. You cannot change someone's perception with one act. Therefore, overcoming your history will take time. This is not only important but crucial to your future success.

Will it be easy, of course not, but the benefits will outweigh the costs. 

1. If you want people to trust you then show that you are trustworthy - it is that simple. 

2. If you want people to talk to you, then show them that you care. 

3. If you want your people to bring you ideas and concerns, then listen and recognize their efforts. 

You cannot talk someone out of their perception; you can only listen, understand and then behave yourself into their new perception.